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- Mood:
depressed
It didn't make my day better when people at work start asking how my other half is since I am not around back home today, I mean... I don't blame them for popping random questions like that and I should have been better prepared anyway.
After sending some long distance sms wishes to a couple of my friends, I suddenly had the urge to just find out how he is doing. I mean for sure he won't be anywhere near where I am but still... I just want to hear from him one last time I guess. So shamelessly, I picked up my phone and started typing Happy Valentine's Day... I have no idea what kind of a reply I expect to get from him at that point of time. Maybe I was hoping... still hoping that he would tell me that he misses me... even for a little I think would be enough... but well, I guess I am not so lucky after all.
My goodness, after reading what I have just wrote, feels like I just fell out of love for the first time... hahah of cos it have been quite a few times already la since I am like what? 26 years old, can so join zeezee and gang as the Lao Chios' already. But... for some reason it still hurts...
Bryan
- Mood: depressed
Bryan
- Mood: gloomy
Class and the choreography was great as usual, love it when all 4 instructors make it a point to learn with us in class when they can actually have a choice to rest even though its not their turn to teach... As much as they are GREAT dancers, they didn't stop themselves from learning from one another.... why can't our instructors be like them.... more open minded.... I am kind of ashamed....
Day wasn't very good though since it was such a RUSH.... but the night went well when D'ATO manage to spend some private time together and have supper after class... It was good, we talked and joked about anything without having to worry about sensitive issues. I love the company of my buddies and of cos our new member Xiao Bai hahahah.... =P
The night got even better when I reached home.... I saw my messy room became neat and tidy, on my table I found a note left by my wife... saying.....
- WHY YOUR ROOM SO MESSY WHEN YOU WENT OUT AT 2PM!!! anyway I got you some food and also got ready your "batuins" (can't figure the handwriting...) stuff which are placed on your bed. Love you, you make me pack your room again. Muack.
From Limey
These are the little things he do to make me love him even more....
- Mood:
loved
Here I Am - Leona Lewis
This is a crazy world
These can be lonely days
It's hard to know who's on your side
Most of the time
Who can you really trust
Who do you really know
Is there anybody out there
Who can make you feel less alone
Sometimes you just can't make it on your own
If you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am,
If you have broken dreams
Just lay them all on me
I'll be the one who understands
So take my hand
If there is emptiness
You know I'll do my best
To fill you up with all the love
That I can show someone
I promise you you'll never walk alone
Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
Well I'll always be your friend
When you need some shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am,
Everybody needs somebody who
They can pour their heart and soul into
Well if you need a place where you can run
If you need a shoulder to cry on
I'll always be your friend
When you need a shelter from the rain
When you need a healer for your pain
I will be there time and time again
When you need someone to love you
Here I am, Here I am,
- Mood: touched
Competition coming, school project plenty, studio workshops starting, not forgetting about trainings... this is the price to pay when you need money... no social life...!!! Right on track...
- Mood:
annoyed
For once... I am finally able to say that I am happy with my life, true there are tough times which I have to go thru alone... but its thru all these things I have found true friends who will always try to be there for me when I am down... be it dancers or not.
My beloved bunch of students / friends ... I have got to say you guys are my inspiration... without you there will not be Bryan in studiowu... without you I won't be able to have kakis to eat peranakan food every now and than hahahah.... =)
My family... oh man... where can you find such a great MUM and DAD who supports their son in everyway they could be it my studies, dance career and not to mention ... who I really am! Actually my brother and sister in law too dotes on me la hahaha.... have to thank them for giving me and my family a very cute nephew! Whooohoo....
And last but not least, my dear Andy... I never expect myself to love you so...so... much! I miss you every minute when you are not around me... I used to only think about dance when I day dream... but now you make me think about you more than anything. I promise you ... as long as you still love me in the next 5 years, I will want to get married with you within this period of time... I swear...
- Mood: grateful
Time passes slowly for some reason.... maybe its because I can't wait to see him again at night, I decided to fetch him at school and accompany him home even though both of us can't stay up too late, for a long time I have never see someone so happy upon seeing me from a distance... He basically skipped from the point when he saw me, all the way until where I was standing waiting for him... hahahah so cute...
We went to his area for supper/dinner since it was my second meal of the day, I was ordering some food can't remember whether did I speak cantonese to that uncle selling Ba chor mee or not. Andy suddenly whispered shyly into my ear "I find guys who can speak cantonese really sexy" and than walk off really fast to find a place for us to sit. At that moment I was like hmp... thats random but on the other hand I am glad I paid attention to my parents' gossips ever since young wahhahaha! That really paid off! = )
Later on we just hang out around his neighbourhood until its time for me to catch the last bus back to pasir ris... sob sob...
My boy...
- Mood: loved
Virgo & Pisces
What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Pisces relationship? It's their shared love of structure and art. Aesthetics are important to both partners, and they share a love of the finer things in life. Their similar tastes and loves make theirs a relationship of great balance.
Both Signs dote on and adore one another. They strive for a harmonious relationship and are very accepting and sympathetic people. Virgo can help Pisces fulfill dreams and ambitions and give them the tools they need to turn ideas into reality. Virgo will provide a solid, steady base for the more emotional and intuitive Fish. On the other hand, Pisces offers a gentle touch, kindness and an emotional depth that Virgo appreciates. Virgo is interested in material comforts and at times cannot understand the simplistic attitude of Pisces. Their life's aspirations can be very different. Once they can accept and overcome this difference, and learn to combine their energies, theirs will be a very rewarding relationship.
Virgo is ruled by Mercury and Pisces is ruled by Jupiter and Neptune. When Mercury and Neptune come together a beautiful spiritual connection is made. Together, they represent an idealistic partnership. Pisces is also ruled by Jupiter. This adds a yang energy to the combination and represents philosophy, expansion and excesses. This trio brings excellent communication, empathy, imagination and creativity to the relationship.
Virgo is an Earth Sign and Pisces is a Water Sign. Generally the two are very compatible, as both Water and Earth are real, tangible things. Pisces, as a Water Sign, is born to connect humankind, and when they come together with Earth there is not a stronger natural bond. Virgo may have a more stable view of life than their partner. They can help their lover ground that poetic Pisces nature. But too much of a good thing can turn to mud if both partners aren't careful. Pisces's flightiness may annoy Virgo, and Pisces may in turn feel that Virgo is too scientific. But it will be easy for them to find a way to work around these disparities.
Virgo and Pisces are both Mutable Signs. Both like to move from one arena to another as the feeling takes them. They each are continuously inspired and assisted by one another, forming a cyclical ring of new ideas and a steady stream of excitement. Conflict rarely arises between them, and when it does it quickly resolves itself. Both partners have learned the fine art of compromise.
What's the best aspect of the Virgo-Pisces relationship? It's their complementary and harmonious attitude toward one another. The overall empathy and commitment these two Signs value in a relationship is what will keep the ties strong and long lasting. Everyone will be envious of their devotion to one another, as well as to their friends and the community.
- Mood: loved
Will bring him out on my Birthday dear friends, I am pretty sure that his the one that I want to introduce to you guys... Cheers! =-)
Bryan Lem & Andy Lime
- Mood: loved
Ok after gathering some of whatever is left of my courage, I decided to take the first move to msn him again.... as usual the conversation went off quite well...
This time instead of keeping my feelings towards him, I tried to be a little persuasive in trying to get him out for a meal. (I actually tried to make a garantee that he will not regret using his supposely study time on a dinner thing with me!) Wahhhh I have never really been so super thick skin in asking a person out la.... like selling myself like that....
The best part was when I first tried to bring up this going out topic, he actually said "I am having exams! busy studying........" and than before can type out something to save the situation.... he said " But think can work out some time to for it..." I was quite surprise and was going "WHooooHOOooo" in my room! Hahahah think my maid was like "Aiyo this bryan ah...."
Yay at least one more chance of getting to know each other better! Hmp.... although have not confirm the date yet but I guess I just have to really b a little patient this time for him to get bak to me bah.... Good weather today! Time for a SWIM hahahaah! =)
Hopeful Bryan
- Mood: hopeful
Problem one - I already have a good feeling towards that special someone despite the fact that I only met him once...
(a bit too fast right??? I dunno what my heart is thinking.....somehow he seems and feel so right.... If I take things too fast he might find me annoying or another way to put it.... FLIRT!....)
Problem two - Even though friends told you he finds you cute doesn't mean that he wants to go out on a date with you right?
(Thats why I hesitate to asked him out.... scare kanna reject!)
Problem three - He have not sms or msn once without me taking the first move.....
(Ok either he is really the introvert kind or his totally not interested in me....)
Problem four - He says his having exams in 2 weeks time.... so does that means like I probably should not try to asked him out during this period or more like a polite excuse for not interested to go out with me at all.....
AHHHHhhhhhh......... all the things I listed out shows that his not interested in me........Where is the confident Bryan when I really really need him.......... think age is really catching up........can't even handle a simple task like that....... =(
How friends? Any suggestion to help? Really like this one....
Confused Bryan...
- Mood:
confused
From today onwards I am starting a new fresh elite whacking crew! WHOOOHOOOO..... So exciting, gathered a few good students and friends of mine to make this group work! Hope everything will turns up well, although I am no master of this dance style yet but I am willing to give it a shot and try to make it as fun and successful as possible! I have no clear strong vision as to where we want to go but I believe once the team bonding is form, everthing will workout on its own? Main thing I believe and Imy team members will believe is that we just want to dance and learn from each other! NO POLITICS JUST DANCE YA! =)
Bryan EWC
- Mood: excited
Had a very lazy day today, maybe I don't feel like doing anything or also maybe because everything seems wrong in whatever I do, be it wowing online to chatting with friends on msn.... or even trying to be nice to recommend some nice songs to friends.
Why do people constantly have to justify on how well they can play their little wow character online everytime? I mean is it because its wrong to just want to PLAY without being as good as those people who have no life other than 24 seven sitting infront of their computers obsessing with their little 3D character that are not even real? Can't stand those geeks who constantly pick on people who they think is not as good as them..... its like there is this "RULE" book that states YOU CAN ONLY PLAY THIS GAME LIKE... THIS WAY..... >>>> I mean come on its just a game.... if everybody love rules so much than why are there people fighting for freedom in this world....seriously.... DUH!
Been trying to lay low at work for sometime now, reason being that I am often being misunderstood for a lot of things I do.... I don't really have a good idea on why these things always happens to me, but I think the reason might be because I am Bryan..... because people always watch every little things I do, so whenever I make a mistake or not good enough it will always be picked on.... or criticise. Am I not human? Must I be so perfect? Why is it that there will always be this invisible expectations on me? I am tired... so tired that I really don't feel like dancing anymore.... I thought I am beginning to heal and recharged.... but the cut is so deep that for now it looks so impossible to heal at the moment....
A lot of times I feel like giving up..... but at the end somethings will always hold me back.... one thing I am so thankful for after all this years is that I have a bunch of students/friends that have sticked with me thru thick and thin especially the recital period.... without them.... I don't think I can pull thru... this makes me realise something also ,people who are closest around you are the ones that will stab you hard on the back.... well I guess I just have to bear with it for now since its still my job....
Came across this song by Charlotte Martin on sytycd season 4 one of the episodes, tried looking for the song online, ended up buying it...So being me I just wanted to share some songs with some friends who so happen to be online without thinking so much, I mean why do you have to think right? You just want to do it since its a nice song, so I just introduce it to them on msn... to my surprise one of them actually came back to me and said something like " Hey you turn christian ah, the song got Amen Amen one " This one sentence in this senario to me have a lot of hidden meaning in it........ Some of you may get it be some of you don't but it doesn't matter.... the point is things as simple as this often ends up being taken in other ways........
Amen....
Bryan
- Mood: annoyed
OK before anybody bother to start reading my meaningless blog, I have to warn that its not suitable for kids under 18 ok!!! Got gay content hor.... ops..... hahaha! Have fun!
One of the perks about being single is that you get plenty of time writing meaningless blog on your sad tragic love life and publicise to the whole world.... seriously its kind of addictive after some time for some reason, maybe its the kind of attention you will want to get when your friends actually leave a message on your blog and say something comforting like "Awwww you poor thing"..... or for some people .....try to be a meaningless blog celebrity who gets hired by mediacorp for TV shows........well not that I am one of "them" since this is my first entry..... but I have decided to try and see how it goes....
Was reading the comments on this article on trevvy "Will you still love me,tomorrow?" a while back, kinda touches me that there are gay couples actually still going on strong after being attached for many years especially when open relationships is the in thing right now, hahaha!! (Sorry can never understand the true meaning of an open relationship, I mean having one bf already take up most of your time so how the hell you can have that much of the time in the world to get invovle with other men?) Felt really happy for them, not only because they have been together for long... but loving each other for who they are and what they are... being able to stay faithful to your man. Trust me, Its not easy and am saying this because I have had the experience of holding on to a relationship for a couple of years and not cheat....(and Its so not worth it.....) solely base on the fact that I want to grow old and have a life with him.
Being able to love each other more than just sex... is an issue I discover thru years of failed relationships. Since I am at a age to build up a career, I do overwork myself... until am so tired to have... erm... time for it. Of course not that we totally do not have it but the fact that he do not understand what I am working for kind of saddens me a lot. Lets face it whether we like it or not there won't be anybody to look after us when we grow old... definitely not the CPF... its not enough... so I its the younger me now that I am looking after the older me in future... and to be able to do that I would need to spend time on my career to be able to earn money so that our life will be more comfortable when we are older... but well I guess sometimes people can just be so shortsighted . Anyway not that I still care for what was in the past but more like I just want to channel some of my feelings deep down inside me into written words.....
Oh well not that things are half as good now especially I think (because I really am not very sure....) I have been seeing someone for like 4months? (Not to mention that I don't really know if his a bi/closeted or just a str8 acting gay guy.... ) LOL some of my girlfriends have been telling me that like how seeing someone for more than 4 months to her means .. like erm.... "NAH not interested! Thanks for your time!" Kind of thing! LOL...... the smarter part of me is seriously telling me to move on but most of me just say his worth to wait a little longer.... for I don't know ... things to happen? His really funny, mature and good looking not to mention that everytime we go out I enjoyed his company a lot..... but sometimes his hard to understand , especially when it comes to opinions of relationships ..... I did ever asked him whether is he gonna look for one and his answer was if most friendship can last longer than relationship.... than he rather be friend to whoever he love......hmp..... come to think of it....... maybe I should really be moving on.......... again! =)
- Mood: crappy
